things

[issenllo]

Yuletide fic done on time, yes! I'm not entirely happy with it, and if I can squeeze in a little time I'll try to edit it further.

Visit Japan for the first time ever in my life, for one week, over end-November/beginning-December. It was glorious. Everything else aside, no one spoke to me for a week. (I spoke only when I wanted, and that was to very lovely and polite shop and restaurant staff and hotel staff.) I went to Sendai, which was all layers of happiness, not-so-incidentally also met an ex-classmate which was very comforting, and also to Kyoto which had a delightful surprise for me.

Back home, I thought things were back to normal but now coming to year-end, to my dismay, I'm approaching a mindset that I thought I had abandoned years ago:

1) refusal to eat;
2) a wild urge to fling myself off the building, or alternatively to maybe self-harm a lot;
3) trying not to burst into tears when I have to go out in public and interact with people.

I am like, damn it. I don't have time for this only to realise, sure I have time for this. I can take as much time as I want to think about how I need to buy more fan-stuff so I'm motivated to wake up in the morning. Anyway, it's probably seasonal and will pass, but I am annoyed now. Or I should be, if I had the energy for it.

I should probably eat. Food solves a lot of problems.

Happy winter solstice, everyone.

Comments

[profiterole_reads]

*big hugs*

Days are back to getting longer, which always makes me feel better, so hopefully it'll help you too.

[issenllo]

Thanks! I think things have stabilised a bit, so I guess the rest of it just takes time.

[flonnebonne]

Sorry to hear you aren’t feeling so hot. Not sure if it’ll help, but I have a friend who went on vacation for the first time in three years, had a blast, then came back home and got super depressed too. Said it was a bit of “reverse culture shock.” So maybe you’re not alone in experiencing this kind of thing.

[superborb]

I agree, I've definitely heard this is a non-uncommon vacation let down, especially if you'd been looking forward to the trip for a long time...

[issenllo]

The trip was quite a sudden one, but yes, I think the return to reality (so as to speak) was equally sudden and disorienting. Plus end of the year stress and a couple of family things... just have to hang on, I guess. -_-;

[issenllo]

Thanks! I'm still down but feeling stable. It's probably a combination of the culture shock you mentioned plus the fact that my colleague quit while I was away, so I get to take over her files, which was not a good surprise at all. I guess I just have to hang on till things improve. -_-;;;

[meteordust]

I hope things get better for you soon. Take the time you need. (And yeah, food is a good solution for a lot of things.)

[issenllo]

It is a good solution indeed! Just need to get motivated about food again, but luckily the one nice thing about year-end is there's loads of temptations. ^_^;